Let me tell you about a hill. So there is this hill that I would see in my mind as a kid and it would be kind of like if I... I don't know, I guess I used to always be like, I used to always be so dissociate... dissociated... dissociated? I don't know why that sounds weird this morning. and

I have learned a lot and I think I talked a lot about that on past lives in the divine in certain ways, but it's also something that like doesn't really go away. So after last year, after being kind of having my Liberty Bell rung, I'm just kind of out of the business of trying to change who I am and I'm more

in the business of just trying to understand kind of what are these natural currents running in my life, even if they result in things that aren't always good or things that I want. And instead of like being like, okay, I have to change this or stop this, instead being like, how could I continue to let this thought pattern, this habit go, but is there a way I could do it?

or times I could do it, when it would actually really serve me. So with that idea of dissociation, I've been kind of unraveling a lot of things like that. I mean, it just keeps going and going like infinity. And which is why I'm just like starting with these audio files because I am working on a new podcast. I'm gonna tell you about it.

and I'll be telling you more and more about it as I'm creating it because I'm having so much fun doing it. But I like just processing out loud and for some reason it's even more beneficial for me to do it when I'm alone at this point in my life, which is kind of weird. But I just feel like with talking with someone, I'm always like, I don't know, at this point I love the people I hang out with, so I'm always like curious about them and I get off track or whatever.

So I'm just like processing out loud to you and you can listen or not. But for me, it's always helpful to like hear the inside of other people's brains. Because sometimes even just being like, whoa, I am not like that or whoa, there are people out there like that can be like kind of a, I don't know, just feels good to have for me to have awareness. So whatever I'm dissociating, let me tell you about a hill.

As a kid, there were certain things that I would do where I would be like totally checked out and like I would do these things intentionally to like transport myself essentially. So one of the things I used to do is when my whole family was like upstairs getting ready for bed, all the lights downstairs would be off.

and all the lights upstairs would be on and it would cast what I thought at the time was like this kind of nice glow on the stairway. Because it was kind of dim, but in my mind it was like, this is like the light of the full moon. And I mean, I was a little kid, so it's not like I was like, I mean, but it was the 80s, so I was galvanting around at night. But I wasn't really like totally aware of the moon, but I always thought that that glow reminded me of the moon and I would.

take two saltine crackers and one slice of Velveeta cheese from this block of cheese and I would eat, put the cheese in between the two saltine crackers and I would eat it like a sandwich, sitting on the steps just like being, pretending like I was outside and like feeling like I was somewhere else, like somewhere. I don't know, just really peaceful under the moonlight. And in my house it was, you know, I don't know, you had.

six people at one point living in the same house. So just having quiet space, you know, outside of your bedroom was also rare. One of the other things I would do often is imagine this hill, this green hill that had some trees on it, but mostly kind of bald or what people would call bald.

And that was it. And then I would just always imagine myself looking at this hill. And sometimes I would imagine, just imagine the hill. Sometimes I would imagine myself on the hill. Sometimes I would be under the tree on the hill. And it was just always just these beautiful bright blue skies, like this really beautiful shade of blue light. I mean, not blue, but just like how the high noon light is.

is like the most blue, I think. I don't know. I don't know, whatever. Like a high noon light. Very specific. And so I would envision that. And then when I was in college, I worked at an outing center and at that outing center, I sat at a desk and basically just kind of sat there for a lot of it. Like that was my job was to be at that desk and there was...

you know, a computer there and it was, I don't know, Microsoft way back had like a green hill scene on their desktop. It was kind of like the automatic setting, or at least it was on that computer. And it was this beautiful green hill, kind of what I described, what I had been looking at as a child, but it was different, but it was very similar, similar to the point where instead of doing my homework, if it was like,

slow and boring at that job, which it was 90 % of the time, I would literally just sit in the chair and stare at that hill and like feel the feelings that I would feel if I was actually on that hill. And it was like, you know, just a habit that I had from childhood too, where I would like go to this hill, even though it didn't look exactly like that, it was similar enough, I could get the feelings from it. Fast forward.

So went airport in Sedona, Arizona, for a friend's birthday. And I took a road trip from Minnesota and I was like, you know, Prescott, Arizona has been like popping up on my radar. You know, it's like, is this divine inspiration or is mine some kind of weird corner of the algorithm? Who knows?

But it kept kind of popping up on my radar and I know there's like good hiking here and I know Northern Arizona is beautiful and not a total desert and it's high desert and I love high desert is my favorite. I don't know, is that like a region type of land or whatever? So I knew that about it but other than that, it was just kind of like kept popping up on my radar so.

In Sedona, I was on this road trip and I'm like, you know what? I want to drive to LA and I'm going to go through Prescott. And so I drove from Sedona to Prescott, which you go over this mountain range and it's like windy roads and it's beautiful. And you go up and over it and it's just kind of a cool experience. And on either side of this mountain range is like flatter land.

So I came over that mountain range and I'm like buzzing down 89A, if you know the area, and it's just like flat, wide open. I could tell there were houses around. And I was like, could I live here? Like that question just popped into my head. And that wasn't necessarily significant because when I travel, not so much anymore, but for sure when I lived in Minnesota, everywhere I traveled to, I would be like, could I live here? And the answer was always like, yes.

So as I was driving, it was like, could I live here? And it was like the split, like part of me was like, no, it looks so flat and boring. And then part of me was like, yeah, I could totally live here, I think. Which was just like this weird like why, it just made me be like why. But also when I look back on that, it was almost like, you know, when you're somewhere new and you kind of have tunnel vision.

I mean, now I look at that road, I'm actually on top of the hill I'm telling you about and looking at that road and it's like, I can't believe I didn't see this hill from that road, but you know how it is when you're somewhere new, kind of, you're not necessarily like looking at the horizon, you're just like looking right in front of you. Anyway, so I went downtown Prescott, had a terrible breakfast at a shitty diner and the crowd at the diner was not.

not great, not people, I mean they're fine, but like not necessarily people where I would be like, I want to live by you. But again, I came out of there being like, you know what, I can live here. And that was like enough for me to kind of like, then I drove and I drove to LA and then I came back east and stopped in Joshua Tree and then I drove all the way home and eventually,

like two weeks later was like, fuck it, I'm moving. And Alex was like, yeah, me too. We had both like, obviously had, or I had a remote job from the pandemic. If you've been around that long, you know that that was a big jump for me to get into online sessions. But here we are five years later and it was like the best for me, for my clients. It was actually really cool. And Alex was remote too. So he was like,

I'm not tied to Minnesota. Anyway, when we, Alex and I had come out here together once before the move to be like, okay, what's the living situation gonna be like? Like we wanted separate places to live, cause we were divorced and you know, but still family. And so we were looking around and we both liked to hike and we went on a hike that was pretty close to houses that we were looking at.

My anxiety was so high. I talked about it on Past Lives in the Divine. It was like on like any level that I had before of anxiety. it would get so high when I was driving on like, you know, at high elevations on curvy mountain roads and sometimes just at high elevations in general, I would just feel like.

It was like I felt like I was gonna float off the earth. But you remember that past size in the divine episode where I shared that life on a red planet where I did fucking fly off the planet. And that's what it felt like. That's what it felt like what was gonna happen. And it was one of those words like my mind knows that that's not how this is gonna work. But my body is like freaking out. Like my body believes that that's what's happening. And

And so we go on this hike and it's like this extinct volcano, like blue, like, I don't know, 14 million years ago or something like that. But it's essentially this big hill. it's one of those, it's like, you know, the first mile up is like a, you know, like a 5 % grade or something like that. You know, not super high, but like a challenge if you're not used to walking on an incline.

but it's like that for a mile and then you kind of turn a corner and then it's switched backs. So you're at steeper inclines all the way to the top, which is another 1.2 miles to the top. It's total a thousand feet elevation gain. And so I got about a mile in and my anxiety was so high and I was so disappointed in myself because most people would be like, what are you freaking out about? This is.

you know, like, okay, we're huffing and puffing, but it's not scary. And I was so just disappointed in myself. And I was like, you know what?

I just got a turnaround. I can't even think right now. So Alex continued on the hike because it's not a scary hike. And I turned around and just was walking down and was just like in this acceptance of it. Like I noticed that I was not beating myself up about it. It was just like, whatever. And it was just this knowing of like, I'll be back, bitch. Not bitch to the mountain or to the hill, but it was just like, I will be back.

And when I had that thought, this like, knowing this solid voice came through my brain or my mind that was just like, you're not her yet. And it's just like, you came here to become her, you're not her yet. And who you're becoming is way badder bitch than you are now. And so yeah, to do the things that she does is gonna freak you out. But you're becoming her.

You moved here to be her.

And I was just like, whoa, that's pretty cool. And when that came to me, I was like on the part of the trail that's like, it's like you almost walk into the caldera and then you zigzag up some switchback trails to the top. And so it's very quiet, even though you're right next to a town, it's very quiet in there and just kind of like muffled, you know? And I was like, wow, I hope that's true.

was kind of my thought. And it took me a couple months, but I was able to make it to the top and I made it to the top by myself and I cried when I did and I was so scared. It wasn't like it was easy and then I got to the top. was like every, I tried probably 10 times and would get closer and closer to the top every time. And it took me a couple months, but I got up there and now I can run the first mile.

and then run sporadically through it to get to the top. And then I run the whole way down and running the whole way down is so fun because it's fun to run downhill because you feel like you're a fast runner even when you're not.

Anyway, I spent the last solstice up here with a friend, a friend locally, and it's just incredible. And the house I bought, I can see it, see the hill from my house. And when I put in an offer on that house, it was like, if I get that house, I will worship that hill every day. Like, please put me in that neighborhood, please.

give me this house like and and I it's it's made of basalt and so it's like I don't know if you're into crystals but basalt to my understanding is like very absorbing and I honestly just feel like when I can't work something out by the time I go up and down this hill

Jina Seer (16:18.182)

It's worked out every single time. And so I've been thinking, how am I going? I want to communicate. I want to have a podcast, but I'm like, sometimes, you know, I'm so thankful for all my ideas. feel so blessed. I mean, I feel I honor my ideas. I mean, I will wake up in the middle of the night and email myself ideas like my inbox is so out of control.

but it's like 90 % of those emails are ideas to myself. So I'm always trying to honor those ideas. And so I have this new podcast that I'm creating and I wanna tell you about and I will be telling you about, but I have to start somewhere and I don't know where. And this hill told me to start here. And so one of the ideas I've had recently hiking up this hill being like, how do I start? Like I want to start, but like.

I keep waiting for the lessons of 2024 to settle and they just keep coming. And now the lessons are like not only what I learned in 2024, but like my whole life being braided together, me understanding things that I've always been into. And it's so crazy the way my life is coming together. I wanna process it out loud for me. I wanna document it for me. And...

I want to just feel a part of a community again that's having these conversations. I miss having a podcast where people talk back to me. I miss sharing these ideas and having other people be like, yeah, me too, or here's how I see it. And so I'm just going to start. And I just have had this rearrangement. And part of that is just like, I want the people on my email list to be the people I invest in.

So I am doing a public podcast and it will be fun and I'm excited to share that with you and I think you'll really like it. But as far as like personal stories, me processing my life and then offering free things like hypnotic journeys and even live hypnotic journeys, downloadable hypnotic journeys, I want to just give that to the people on my email list. I don't know, I just want to like bring it in a little bit closer, even though it's...

It's still a lot of people in my mind. It's just at least, I don't know, whatever. So.

The last time I did this hike, I was like, how am I gonna start this? Like I have these ideas and sometimes my ideas can almost limit me because I can get perfectionist over too much of it or none of it because I've been too much of it. And so I'm just trying to like straddle this line of balance and really following my intuition and really discerning between, you know, that's actually not.

right for me. I thought it was, but it's not. Or, here's the clarified version of that. Like, I really want this to be intuitively led for me. And I started Pass Lives in the Divine being like, I just want to have conversations and get some clients. And I didn't have any clients. And then when I did have clients, I'm like, I'm not trying to be a good podcaster. I'm not trying to, like, make a good podcast. I just want to, like, get this out there. And

Now I kind of feel like, I want this podcast to be big. And I want to talk about that. And I want to get even more clients. And I would like my client cup to overflow so much that it helps even more people, hypnotists, astrologers, whatever. And so that is coming together, but that's going to be a little bit slower. And I wanted to get started on something. So...

just processing all that on this hill, was like, you know, just start where you're at. Just think of something to say while you're hiking up this hill and then say it. Because when I process things and like I'm having those intentional conversations with my higher self, things become so clear and it makes me so excited. And I love to share. I just love to share. I love to share my ideas. I want to hear your ideas.

I love to share fucking candy. I love to share time. Like, you know, I'd love to share. And so walking up here, it was like, tell them about the hill, which is, which is so funny. So I'm on this hill right now and I can tell you that I can't wait to like process this all with you. I can't wait to tell you where I'm at. I'm like over halfway done with a 500 hour Pilates.

instructor training. So I'm going to be doing private sessions in the town I live in and probably on the schedule for one day a week. And I'm having this whole like renaissance of like, remember how I used to be a wellness coach? And like five years ago, my spirit guides were like, eventually you'll blend your wellness stuff and your hypnosis stuff. And I was on a walk and I can tell you right where I was in the neighborhood I lived in. And I literally screamed, no!

And I was like, I'm not doing it now. And the only way I'm going to do it is if it feels intuitive and fun. And it does. And so like I'm working with someone right now where we're doing hypnosis, but we're also adding in that element of earth suit. like, I hate the word manifesting, but like just intentional creating in your life. That's what I'll say. And I'm having so much fun with it. And it's such a cool revisit.

to the way I used to coach people in behavior change. know, that's what wellness is. If they're not teaching you behavior change, you're not gonna stick with it. So it's like a lot more mental than we think, which is why no one ever keeps their habits, because they're only thinking physical. But regardless, it's like such a cool, it makes me so excited, makes me so excited. And then how my life is coming together, it's wild, you guys.

So I often have joked, my degree, my college degree, I have a recreation degree from a party school. And I am just out of the fucking business of cutting myself down like that. Because that is one way of looking at it, but it's also like, it's not a bad school. Like it's accredited in a ton of stuff where I went, St. Cloud State. It is a party school, but like it was great at the time. Like it was...

It was like a good choice, especially if you didn't know what you wanted to do. It was like a lot of options was accredited, that sort of thing. And the man who built the recreation and sports management program, he had left St. Claude State like my last year or something and went to a different school and created that and like finished his career there. But he taught wilderness training.

in leadership classes and the methodology around that of like leading yourself, being a good leader, helping other people be a good leader, creating leaders, not followers. And I will say like he, he changed my life. Like that program changed my life. I thought it was the first time in my life where I had other people reflect back to me. Like you're a really good leader. You're really good at communicating. You're really good at motivating.

And it really was, as I look back on it now, I was not conscious of it then, but it started to change how I saw myself and seeing really some good in me. And the man who created that program, he was so compassionate, such high integrity. And he was the first adult that ever like required that of me, but in a really compassionate, functional way.

And anyway, so I've been thinking about him for some reason a lot lately. And I think part of it is like I'm gearing up to hike across the Grand Canyon. You guys have so much going on. I hiked across it last time last May, if you remember that, if you were following me then. And I'm going to attempt to hike across it and then turn around and come right back. So good chance I'm going be hiking for like 24 hours.

But I have a friend who's open to going with me and open to learning about it. Because I'm like, this is not something you can just do. Like you have to know your gear, have the right gear. You have to train. Like this is going to be a lot. This is 50 miles in one hike straight. Like stopping to refill water and shit. But other than that, we're not stopping unless someone's like injured or whatever. And we're going to do what we can train before to not be injured.

And so I've been like, just thinking about everything I've learned, cause she really wants to learn. And so I've been sharing a lot with her and, anyway, along those lines, it's like, of a sudden I found myself, I haven't started yet, but the position was offered me to be like a volunteer consultant for the, the trail system in kind of the Quad City area where I live near Prescott, Arizona. And.

It's just a volunteer role. And it's like, I don't know how big, I don't think it'll be big. Like I think it's just like a handful of meetings, you know, maybe over the course of like a two year scope or something like that. But it was just simply offered to me. It's like, you guys, that's like a fucking dream. you want my input on the trail system? Like I'm on the trails every day. Like that would be so much fun. And you know, I've created trails as part of my other jobs and I've, and I've,

been trained in like what makes a good trail and things to think about, know, access points and emergency evacuations and can we use this for other things and all these things. it's like, I don't know, it was just this really cool connection. And so it's like, I got that through the friend I'm hiking with, who was like open to learning about it. And she's working on that project with her city planning job. And so she was like, yeah.

that's, yeah, you gotta be in this. And so she was telling me about it. I'm like, dude, this is gonna be so fun. And like, that's just the way like shit is working out right now, where it's like, okay. And I have so much to share about like consciousness and all the work I've been doing there. And I'm still always growing and learning. And I wanna invite you along on the journey. And as always, like you're gonna get this link via an email. So I love hearing from you.

So if you have a question, if you wanna share your experience, hit reply on that email and I will get back to you. It might take me a few days, but I will get back to you. I read them all. All right, everybody, that's gonna do it for me. Okay, see you soon. wait. I never finished that story. This is good. But then on the way down, I can stop and like.

about all the shit I missed. Okay, so this hill is the hill that I have been looking at my whole life in my imagination and now I can see it from my house and I hike on it sometimes several times a week.

and it's like a good ass hike. I don't know. It's so crazy. That's another thing too I really want to reflect on is all the premonitions that I've had. Now a lot of premonitions I get don't mean shit. Like it'll be like, I knew you were going to wear that shirt today. Like I have a t-shirt from the martial arts school that I go to and the instructor has the same t-shirt and every fucking time I wear it, I'm like, I know he's going to be wearing this shirt.

Always. That's the premonitions. But sometimes I get them where it's like, I'm starting to see like, this hill I've been thinking about. Now I live here and I feel like fully animated. I feel like I'm that woman who I was becoming and I know I'm still becoming. Like, who am I going to be after this Grand Canyon hike? if I don't finish, be someone else. If I do finish, I'll be someone else.

So it's a constant evolution, but I get so many of those premonitions, it's kind of crazy. So that'll be a fun exercise and intuition. Okay, I think that's it. I think that's it. But this hill always delivers. Pound the mound, that's what I call her. That's what I call my workouts when I put it on my calendar.

pound the mound. She's like my sacred mound. Okay, next time. Bye bye.