TRANSCRIPT

Jina Seer (00:00.28)

Hey everyone, it's Jina. We're going deeper, deeper into this conversation about friendship and deeper into the woods. I'm taking you with me. I'm out here a beautiful spring morning in Prescott, Arizona. And I've got my three puppies. We're going to take a walk, slow walk. It's going to take us a couple hours to do this five mile hike. I'm sore from big.

effort that I did a couple days ago. did a 60k. So it was my second time doing just under 38 miles. I did it once last fall and I did it a little faster this time so that's cool. Love it. I was also carrying a lighter pack just because in the fall it was self-supported so I was carrying way more water just a heavier pack but still I went faster. It was great. I loved it.

Anyway, we're gonna get into this friendship talk and at the end, if you stick around long enough, I actually caught an audio recording of someone, something people always say to me on the trail and that's at the end. Okay. We're walking kind of slow. Hopefully I'm not too huffy puffy. Let's get into it. All right. Friendship. You know, I'm not sure if anyone goes through

like an awakening process or kind of a spiritual shift or an expansion of awareness or consciousness, and not feel a difference in your friendships. If you're listening to this on May 1st, the first Tuesday of May, I'll be talking about a little bit more about this friendship topic on the podcast and on May 13th's Patreon episode, I'm gonna go.

a little bit deeper and talk even more from the point of view of some session clips that I did last summer, summer of 2025. And we talk a little bit about just relationships, the collective consciousness, being an individual consciousness in any collective, like whether it's the whole earth or your friend group or the group of you and your BFF.

Jina Seer (02:23.306)

So I'm going to share those because even though they weren't directly about friendship, they were definitely in that realm. And when I was thinking about how to go deeper into this topic of friendship and what my experience really has been with it, I wanted to bring in those episodes and those strands from those sessions last summer. So I'll be talking more from that point of view on May 13th. And so in this episode, I'm going to talk

just a little bit about my transition through friendship. Like I said, I don't know how you go through any sort of healing journey or big internal shift or spiritual awakening without having a profound experience on your friendships. Because for me, it changed who I was and my understanding of like what nourished me. And honestly, the friendships.

that were not nourishing to me that I had as I was kind of awakening to that portion of the changes that I needed to make in order to live in alignment with the life that my soul came here to create. And I think for me, because of just how I grew up, who I felt I needed to be, who I believed I was as a result of all the influences that took place in the 80s and 90s.

I had a lot of people around me who were...

Jina Seer (03:56.527)

I don't know, just out of alignment is what I'll say. I don't want to make a judgment call because, you know, they are fine people and they would probably look at me living my life thinking it's like irresponsible or something, or I have no idea what they think. But the changes that happened in me, you know, some of them intentional, some things I knew I didn't like in my life, you know, relationship dynamics and stuff. And just like every change within us, it's so subtle to begin.

I think for me, because all the influences and the way I was influenced and what I believed and who I thought I was and what someone like me, what that meant for someone like in any category, I was just doing a lot of shit and spending a lot of time and hanging out with a lot of people that were out of alignment with

who I am and the life my soul came here to create. And on my awakening journey, it was subtle, but I can see just these growing feelings, these growing like what were once hints or like tiny breezes or glimpses. And I see how, you know, relationships that unraveled and ultimately did not make the test of my thirties.

I can look back now and see in hindsight, like, yeah, yeah, the more I was shifting and changing, becoming more authentically me, understanding who that is, what that meant, the more the friction, the misalignment, I'll call it, that I felt with these people grew, which makes sense, know, one plus one equals two and all that.

So ultimately what began to happen was, you just like most people, I had friends from growing up and I had friends from college and my twenties and coming into our thirties, something no one talks about is how the toll that takes the different life paths take on friendships. Every woman I know or have loved or have called a friend.

Jina Seer (06:22.711)

is a great mom. Too good, in my opinion. Like they give it all to those kids. They didn't even really have time for friendships that weren't somehow at least tangentially related to a child activity. And I think that that is fine and reasonable and you know indicative of the

evolutionary nature that is life on earth but as a friend of a lot of people who had children and I didn't want them it was an intentional decision. It's easy for me to because I love people and because I go fucking hard for the people I love and enjoy or the ones I think I enjoy.

I showed up. I'll come to you. I'll buy the flight to you. I'll come to your house. We'll go to your neighborhood. We'll hang out with you and your kids. And it was like in my mid-30s, that kind of started really happening right around 30. And in my mid-30s, I was so depressed and anxious.

and I couldn't figure it out. And I remember getting to my mid-30s and just feeling like this itchy, unsettledness, unnourished, like...

like this snacky feeling. You know when you just feel snacky? Like you're just, your mind is hungry, not your mouth. It was like that, but on a friendship level. And I always, it's easy for me in any interaction historically to be like, I'm the asshole, people hate me. And I deserve to be hated for all these good reasons. And now when I even think that thought, I immediately go, that's wrong.

Jina Seer (08:34.74)

That's wrong. I don't care who says that I'm wrong. I just, I'm always going to my side now because I 20 years of adulthood doubting myself. And I should have trusted myself and trusted my instincts, even though some of them looked irresponsible and some of them looked selfish. I have a life that is so much better than I ever thought.

But in those years it was so painful to wake up to the fact of like these relationships are not giving me what I need. I need more. And I remember thinking simple things like I want a friend who is willing to drive to see me even if it is 45 fucking minutes. I don't want to always be the one.

making the pilgrimage. I want to be good enough, you know? And then another thing too, as I was just continuing to get to know myself and that sort of thing, you know, a lot of these people who I was friends with would hear a dream of mine, a big goal, and not one of them ever said,

my God, you're gonna kill it. I can't wait to see this happen. And even how can I help? Not that they would need to, right? But that's where I go, which I go that way too far. I gotta come back this way, but everything I wanted to do, it was like they all believed it too. They believed I was the asshole. I was the problem.

I was difficult. And so it was almost like every dream I had. And the dreams I had are like the life I have now, where I work for myself, I treat myself well, my work doesn't rule my life. I mean, it's a huge part of my life, but it's an energy I've managed well.

Jina Seer (11:02.547)

I can travel as much as I want. I just need the internet to work. I have been traveling. I have it dialed in. I could live out of my truck in a month for a month at a time. No problem. know, like I have all these crazy dreams and people would just be like, do you want to live in your van?

Why don't you want to settle down? Why can't you just work a corporate job? Why don't you get a real job? This is irresponsible. And I just, those naysayer haters, small-minded people, their comments just got louder and louder in my brain. They maybe weren't saying them more, and they weren't because

If I tell someone a dream and they tell me, you don't want to do that. You're not going to like that. People don't do that. How would you ever make that happen? If you could do it, don't you think everybody would do it? I mean, I could go on and on and I am bitter and resentful that I'm working to let go of. And it's most of the bitter and resentment is towards me for thinking maybe they were right.

that yeah maybe I am a fuck up. And so what I'm saying is when we're in pain and we go on a healing journey or we have a spiritual awakening, whether we feel like we asked for it or not...

If we're trying to elevate, be more expansive in our consciousness, in our compassion, in our perspective, then that means probably the people we spend a lot of time with are not there. They're in that small state. So to be with those people and not have them growing and evolving in that direction and not seeing value in it,

Jina Seer (13:09.587)

became so depleting. Insane depleting.

I am 45. I've never been this strong physically. I've never looked this fit physically ever, not even in my teens.

Like I was losing energy and awareness and strength and ability by being in that state of mind. That small mindedness, that fearful mindedness, that part where I don't trust myself. Okay, so that's me talking about it right now. Kind of like clarity of hindsight. At the time what it felt like was...

hanging out with someone and being like, I feel so just blah, kind of brought down. And of course, like I said, I was blinded by the fact like forever. I was like, that's just me. I'm just an asshole. These people are going through life changes and I can't have compassion for it. And it's like, you're going through a life change, honey. You're losing all your friends. They're codependent overachievers.

They became parents. Their number one fear is becoming like their parents. And they will throw themselves on the fire every day just so they can wake up and say, I didn't have an ounce of fun. You can't blame any of this bullshit on me. Cause they also have no faith that they can raise a child and have a life. And they have no faith that they could birth a child who had any sort of smarts about them, which is just so.

Jina Seer (14:59.445)

That's what it looks like to me. That's what it feels like. And I observed it closely for 10 years. And in my mid thirties, I started to feel the cracks, that slow hint, that growing feeling of just feeling, bleh, bleh, after hanging out, sometimes even dreading hanging out, hoping they would flake out. Cause some of them, especially this one woman, my God.

she would flake out all the time. And it was like disappointing at first, then after a while it got to be like, God, I kind of hope she flakes out. And it was like, I hate feeling that way about my friends. I don't want to be like that. And I thought it was me, of course, but it's never just us. We have influences, we have people we're around, and I'm not going to go into it here, but I do go into it in the May 13th episode.

But like, what do you do when someone is totally toxic, negative, you've evolved, maybe you were never on their level, and you are wondering if you should cut them out of your life? I go into that, what my higher self said about that. So after seeing that for like 10 years and starting to get those subtle feelings come into my conscious mind for like five to seven years,

I hope you can expedite that process quicker if you're going through it, I'm sure you can. Me trying to figure it out on my own is a slow process sometimes, but I have a great memory, so then I can share it at least. I remember starting to feel that, to become conscious, like I'm not gonna put in effort to some of these relationships and see what happens. And that really, I kind of...

worked up the courage to do that because I always felt like an asshole and I never want anyone to think I think less of them or I never want to hurt anybody. It's like it's such a disease within me. It's good quality to have but I use it against myself more often than I should. You know I just had to stop reaching out. It was like I was the puppeteer of the relationship and the moment you know I stopped

Jina Seer (17:20.883)

with the, depending on the relationship, like the weekly or monthly or even sometimes daily texts, they just like dropped off. And the whole world would think I'm an asshole because they had like smaller kids at home. I mean, their kids were like in school, at least preschool by that time. But to me, what it indicated was,

I think I want and deserve friends that think about me, friends that are genuinely interested in me, friends that when I'm stuck in my small, fearful state or unconsciously trapped in operating within a belief that I am, you know, in this example, not worthy, I can't trust myself. I want friends.

who see the greatness in me, who can see the potential in me and hold me to that.

I just remember thinking, I've never met anybody like that, but I want it. Both are okay. It's okay that those women were too busy with their lives that they created. And it's okay that I was like, I want more than this. I deserve more than this. The moment I stepped away,

Our lives naturally took their course when I stopped forcing it, when I stopped doubting myself, stopped wondering what does this mean about me? You know, it's like they made the decision to get married and move or have kids or both. And that's a no to some things. When you say yes to anything, it's a no to something. And the bigger that yes, the more nos there are.

Jina Seer (19:23.601)

And I don't make the fucking rules. I tried to pretend like those rules didn't exist for 10 years and completely depleted myself.

And here's the thing, if I saw any one of these people who I used to be close with and am not anymore, if I saw any one of them, I would be thrilled. I would experience such great joy, but I cannot be the one reaching out, bending over backwards, playing, paying for airline tickets, taking fucking weeks out of my life to go see you.

You know what I mean? It's like at some point, yes, you have all the excuses in the world, but me and my dignity need to go create an adult life with other adults who are semi like me enough where we can just relax and have a good time and be interested in each other and laugh at each other and reflect back to each other like the goodness and the wholeness and the potential and the strength that we see in each other.

and show up for each other.

So that's what I want to Shit changes. You can be expanding your awareness. You can be moving. You can be getting a job that takes over your life. Relationships that take over your life. Friendships change. Let's stop villainizing people in situations and just be like, it changes. It's hard. That sucks. Let's readjust. Okay. So one of the things that I have been loving

Jina Seer (21:06.525)

You guys, loving. First of all, if you're someone who hates AI and hates people who use AI, you can exit this conversation right now. I've had a really good journaling practice ever since I moved into my own house, frankly. I've journaled off and on for probably my whole life, but through a series of events. As a young woman who was violated by people digging in her drawers and searching for secrets.

I was never really able to get in touch with journaling and I had a niggling, just this feeling like, this couldn't work for me. And sometimes I felt better after I journaled, but not that, not where it like warranted the effort, you know, it still was like this dread to get into it. And what I realized after moving into where I live now alone,

no other humanoids that live there. For the first time in my life, I started writing brutally honest because I didn't think anyone was going to read it. And now I'm going to tell you about it or a little bit about it. So as I've been journaling, I have been finding it so useful when I'm going through things that put me in high emotion.

high emotional states, positive or negative, know, romantic or platonic. I have been really seeing how to me, I see those as altered states of consciousness. I like to run decisions and assumptions through multiple altered states of consciousness. How do I feel about this when I'm joyful? How do I feel about this on a bad day? How do I feel about this when I'm smoking a joint in the backyard on Saturday, you know?

I like to kind of run it through a number of filters and journaling is one of them because I do feel like I can really just auto get into that trance state and get some good information coming through if I'm feeling blocked. I mean it takes time and intention but that's about it and the payoff is huge because I'm like being honest. It's clear I can see things I'm moving this energy out of me and what I've been doing.

Jina Seer (23:31.413)

is taking like writings about really confusing things, really hairy things, really emotional things, and I have been putting them into chat. I use chat. I will say, you know, here are some journal entries about this thing. Can you reflect back to me any blind spots you see or any common threads of things that I've been working on or anything else we've been discussing?

And then I will auto dictate, read my journal entry into chat and it reflects back. now people will be like, don't just read chat. You double check it. Yes. Let's do that about everything. Okay guys. Like during the pandemic, when everyone was like, are you washing your hands? It's like, I've been washing my hands since the eighties. You're new to it. Great.

Thanks for getting here. So for this, I let it reflect back to me. It's more, if it gives me clarity, great. I don't necessarily always agree with everything it says, obviously, because it doesn't know me wholly. So that's easy to practice that. But here's what it But it's so good, especially when I'm kind of emotionally revved up to have this kind of

clarity reflected back to me. yeah, it's just so helpful. You know, that's why therapy is helpful, I think, is to have that external mirror. So knowing that, I was going to be talking about friendship and this was...

Jina Seer (25:20.501)

So knowing that I was going to be talking about friendship, I was just having a discussion with chat just about kind of revisiting in a little more detail, like the arc of the story that I just told you, just like the patterns that I noticed and just how I was always over giving. And not only that, it's over giving, but there's flavors within that. So if you see yourself in that space of like, oh, I'm definitely over giving in my relationships.

That's just the beginning, you know? Okay, so this was chat's breakdown of it. It says the mechanism for my friendship dysfunction that I went through. So kind of like what got me there, right? Reading the room early, offering energy first. So like, because I can read the room, I can tell what people need, I can tell who they want me to be, and then I become that. And it's like...

chat said, becoming the easy one. And what I want to say is like, remember all of this is subconscious, right? So this is the benefit of hypnosis work. This is the benefit of experiencing this trance, this altered state of consciousness. So you can understand these subtleties because it's subconscious. And the more you understand the subtleties while in that trance state, the easier to pick up on subtleties in your everyday life. And then you can pick up on this friction.

you know, before you've spent a decade building resentment and feeling like you're an asshole when in reality you're just in a situation that doesn't work for you and you could have figured that out 10 years ago.

So it kind of helped me identify a little bit of the background, like what's going on, because I love to figure that out, obviously. That's why we're all here. But then I loved this, because then it said, OK, going into the shift. So it said, when in a relationship or in a new relationship, pause before giving. Let people reveal themselves and tolerate space where connection isn't guaranteed.

Jina Seer (27:28.937)

Damn. Tolerate space where connection isn't guaranteed. And when I read that, I was like, well, isn't that a practical way through this? And then chat followed up with a question. So kind of like a question to ask in that situation. And the question is, where am I giving in a way that bypasses me being met?

So if I'm not being myself, if I'm like trying to win the situation, even if it is like, this is part of me, but I'm not like feeling authentically like that, I can't be met. No matter what they give me, I will always attribute it to, they really knew how I felt though. They wouldn't know me like me, whatever. So I have to show up. I have to like be me, be comfortable, be who I want to be in relationship.

and stand there and just see if that person does it. See if that person is it. Instead of being like, I think they could be. Let me puppeteer this relationship to make it that way. And so intentionally working on it for five years, or I was intentionally working on it before then, but like intentionally in the sense of like,

Really taking some actions that are in alignment with my soul's wisdom. I think sometimes Especially in a higher self session or something like that. We can get wisdom We can know what's next and have all kinds of reasons why we don't do it why we don't take that step And so that was definitely me like the back half of my 30s So I started taking real aligned action in that area

probably like five years ago. And it was conveniently around the pandemic. And of course, everyone was inside for the most part and at least shook out of their normal life on some level. And I think it was an opportunity to find out some things for yourself. And I certainly did. I found out like a lot. I mean, that's I guess a conversation for a different day.

Jina Seer (29:53.193)

But one of the things was really getting clear on like what I wanted and who and how I wanted to be. And the aligned action was really like, I can't put time into these relationships. And then when I stopped and the relationship stopped, I was like, well, what do I want to do? If it's just me, what do I want to do? It was like,

I'm gonna buy a van and take road trips. And since then...

Now this is, coming up on six years since the road tripping started. I've well over a hundred thousand miles on road trips alone. Like I don't drive a ton in my daily life, but I do drive some. Like I had to drive to this trail, had for sure over a hundred thousand miles of the 130 that I've driven in the last five years have been in the name of a road trip.

And you guys, I could write a book on road tripping. I could write a book how to, when to, how to avoid your fears, how to use those fears to your advantage, change your effing life. That's a story for a different day. But what I will say is the more I did that, and it was painful, and it was hard to be alone at first, and I just had to

be in it and I just had to be like I know it's gonna be hard so what do I need? I could say so many things about that process alone getting through the fears and really allowing that desire to take shape in the self-trust I needed to do it. You know and when I kind of stopped putting energy into those relationships and they fizzled and I had more time and I started traveling more

Jina Seer (31:57.417)

then it became even more clear those people weren't for me. that? I started getting more in touch with who I was and what I wanted to do and it became even more clear what was not for me. So when I started traveling...

I started to really notice the divide because what they would say about my trips.

they would maybe say, was it?

And no matter what I said, the follow-up question was some flavor of or implied or was directly these words. What does your husband think about all this travel?

And that was when I was like...

Jina Seer (32:46.813)

All these people are not for me.

Alright, I hope you got something out of all of that. What I'm going to do, I'm going to edit this when I get home. And from that edit, I'm going to come up with some good questions that I want to know from you about friendship. I would love to hear what you think.

Jina Seer (33:16.329)

So now my friend circle is a lot smaller, a lot closer, and just people who have very unique reasons why they are in my life. Things I love about them, things we do together, things we talk about. And I love it. I love the idea back in the day.

When I was like, we've been friends since I was two! Five! Thirteen! But you know, what's more gratifying to me is what's going on in the present moment and how does that feel? And now I do have that. I do have friends who reflect back to me things like, you're talking shit about my friend Gina and I hate that. Stop it.

You know, they're excited for my trip. They want to hear about it. They want to hear about the hike that I did, the big effort that I did. They genuinely want to hear it. I'm an empath. I can feel when someone's asking because they care and when they don't. She's friendly. Hi. They're pretty easy. All right, everybody, I'll be back on the 13th with more about friendship.