TRANSCRIPT

Jina Seer:

Hey everyone, it's Jina. You're listening to Sear Sessions. Today I'm gonna talk about just this feeling that when we've done a lot of inner work or we've expanded our awareness, our capacity, our strength, sometimes we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling like, why am I still here? Like, why have I not gotten this lesson? What is going on?

And that feeling that feeling used to take me out. Like what I can do now when I'm feeling that way, I can turn it around. Like for me, that question, this idea of like, I've done all this inner work. Why am I still here? Like that comes with so much self-doubt and just so much inner criticism for me. It is painful.

it like freezes me, it narrows my vision, like my vision for like opportunities, the expansive loving point of view that I just wanna have. So when I'm there, I'm not feeling good. I'm feeling it's more hell-like than heaven-like. Let's just say that. So I don't know if it's because of all the inner work I've done. I don't know if it's be my Scorpio rising, my Scorpio nature, but I've now able to take that.

Painful self-doubt and criticism. It's like blinding. And I can like hang on to a shred of like, it's not always gonna be like this. Like you're just going through this time on the spiral where something kind of sends us back, and it's like, can Gina identify that she's there? How quickly can she identify that she's there before she's

you know, allowing these Dementors, her inner critic, to like suck her energy and her ability to see potential and have hope. And really that's like at the heart of how I deal with these times personally. I just see life as a spiral. So I don't really like to think of the idea that Earth is a school because I don't want to manifest some kind of curriculum. I feel like life is already kinda hard.

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And I have a propensity to grow and learn, expand my awareness and my capacity anyway. And I don't need some authoritative school to get me to do that. So my point of view in this is like I am just flowing with the universe. Like I can create a lot of my world. I create the seat from which I take in the entire world, but the world I can't control that.

Right. So it's like I have to seek that balance there. And sometimes the world will send me back to a place on the spiral where I'm like, I thought I was over this. No, this is just like a checkpoint. Remember in elementary school, high school, we had to do the one mile run every year. And it that's how I think of it. Are you doing better than the last time you were in a situation like this? I used to spend

Months, even years of my life in these negative spins, just believing my inner critic, believing the worst things that come through my mind. And no one is meaner to me than my own inner critic. And I can identify that, but also it's very blinding. It seems like as truthful as the sky is blue, but I will notice. Obviously, it makes me feel terrible.

And I will be like, all right, I need to get myself out of this funk. I can't just believe it. I can't be like poor me and take action in that state. I think of emotions as an altered state of consciousness. So to make decisions or do things that I know I don't want to do just because I'm feeling poor me, like that's a red flag. So I notice these things where I'm like, I'm here. And then I can transmute it, turn it around.

I think of that time as a very it feels like a contracted state. And to me, when I think of a contracted state, it feels heavy. I feel stuck like energetically, and I feel disconnected from spirit, from the benefic energetic force of creation that creates it all. I feel disconnected from my own divinity inside of me. And so that's I have to remember like that's a part of the contraction.

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And so I'm not failing. It's just remembering I'm in a contraction and then being like, and I am an energetic being. And I can shift this energy. And if something exists, then the equal and opposite is possible. So when I'm on that low point on the spiral, if I can remember that, then I can just be like, okay, what am I doing today? How can I help myself through that? Like sometimes I just have to like literally.

put it in the backpack and just do the work in front of me. And sometimes I'm in a situation where I'm with someone and they open the door and I can talk about it. But ultimately it's up to me to take care of myself through it. And my biggest take care of myself through it is like, don't believe this voice. Believe there is something different. Remember, Gina, you have had amazing experiences touching the divine, feeling like you're flowing with it. And you will get back there.

So the faster I can pull myself out of that, the better, obviously. but what I know, and I don't know if there's like science to back this up, but I I analyze the F out of my body, my earth suit. And so anytime I'm like working with an acupuncturist or a chiropractor or anybody, I'm always kind of like up in there, like, what's going on? And something that I've worked with several acupuncturists actually.

And have noticed a trend in what they say and in how I feel. And my like the life force within me just gets drained out of me if I am participating in.

Believing what my inner critic has to say, essentially. Like if my inner critic is like, you're nothing, you're not shit, no one cares about you, this work is doesn't matter, like this world is too effed up, people just don't care. People are in their own trance of consuming and vegging out at night, and then you know, being told what to do all day, so they don't have the energy to even explore themselves. Like, I can get

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Caught up in that. But I also know, like, yes, that's a part of the world, but the equal and opposite is also a part of the world. You know, people like you listening to this, I it is the highlight of my life, the my existence on this earth when I meet other people who are like, yeah, I believe this too. Like, I believe I'm an energetic being.

Having an earthly experience. This is an earth suit that I need to take care of. This is a life that I want to make the most out of. I'm not just in school here. I'm getting like my street PhD on this planet, being Gina. This universe contains it all. To pretend like evil doesn't exist is negligent. To focus on evil to the point that you're crippled with fear is negligent. Like we have to find.

That middle ground. And I think we find that middle ground when we touch these extremes. You know, most of the time we're not having this like euphoric divine experience. And most of the time, we're not having these really contracted, heavy, dense times of stuckness. And I, unfortunately, I mean, I maybe should change my belief system around this, but I'm gonna need to really work on that. But I, Gina.

In this life, I am so much better at leveling up after a difficult time. Partially because my work is a lot about my own journey, which sometimes that feels so hard and like so cringe to me. But then on the flip side, I think, what a fucking gift that people care what you think. And it doesn't matter.

What I, my inner critic, thinks about my success, people have been paying to hear my thoughts on some level since 2008 when I started my blog. And you could even say before that, because I used to do public speaking, and that started in like six or something like that. So it's always both. I can take any situation.

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That's a that's one reason why I'm always like, if you need someone to justify something, like bring it to me, I can see every reason you should and every reason you shouldn't. And you can use that information to your advantage. You know, it's both. It's always both. And we have to like know ourselves in that moment to not get caught in that spin. We have to know ourselves, like put in those revolutions and those reps so we know what brings us on, like what pulls us out of it.

It's tough, man. So in the membership, we were actually talking about this in October. And every month in the membership, we meet as a group. We do a hypnotic journey. And so in November, we're gonna journey to another lifetime. One that's gonna help give us all insights on this feeling of feeling like, why am I here again?

Why can't I get rid of this? And what's so cool about these hypnotic journeys and these experiences in other lifetimes is you just have to set the intention to be able to have that experience and extract metaphor and lessons for your place in this life today. So no matter what happens in that experience, you're coming out of it with some sort of full-body experience that will help shift the way.

you see those times in your life. Maybe you're in that time in your life right now and you're like, I could really use a shift, like a hypnotic journey to completely like snap me out of that is something that I do for sure. I highly recommend. And actually this last contractive period that I had, it was like half a day. Normally that stuff would have been like months or years, like I said. But I listen to my own guided hypnotic journeys. And I will just

Set out a blanket and a pillow on my couch. I relax back, turn my phone on to a certain podcast episode, and I will listen to myself lead myself through a hypnotic journey. And my last one, it was kind of interesting because I was like, what do I need to just like feel the opposite of this? The way I was feeling like the self, the brand of self-doubt that I was feeling. And I experienced this other lifetime.

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Man, I should actually sit down and journal about it. I haven't even really spent time thinking about it. I just did it like five days ago or something like that. And I went into this other lifetime, and it basically what it did was when I came out of that hypnotic journey, I was journaling and I was like, I see these metaphors, but like the

The guy that I was in this other lifetime was doing this work that people had certain opinions about. And he was so focused on his work. Again, we've been talking about this like crazy in the membership. Conviction, focus. That's like how we get through a lot of this shit. How we let this stuff roll off our back, how we release. It's like you've you focus on something else. And so it was really interesting to have this full body experience of being this man who was doing work that

People would like make fun of him for it, but he had this small consumer base and he would drive around and sell these little pearl things and he was always like digging in mud or something. I don't know if it was pearls. It was like these little stones. And he would dig in mud to get them. And he just thought he knew what people thought about the work, but he felt so strongly about his interest in it.

The game of it, because he was always on a time crunch. So he was like, How many can I collect now? So he just had this really, really light point of view, but there was a situation where these three men, like older teenager men, like I was 19 in this scene, and they came by and they were like saying some mean shit to me. And it got to me. And I was standing on the side of this lake.

And I was just like kind of feeling bad about the work I was doing. But because I was always on such a time crunch and I saw this as like a game, like how many of these little rocks or pearls or whatever can I get while I'm here, he had to like switch and focus. It was just like, I don't have a choice. I can't sit here and freak out about it. Like that sucks. Yeah, they're affirming the shit that I think on my worst days, but like I can't even hold it.

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So this is actually kind of interesting. I feel like I'm processing it as I talk here. But as I came out of that journey, I was journaling and honestly, my dogs were like kind of going crazy. It was like evening treat time. So I didn't have a ton of time to sit with it. But I think about these things as I move through my day, and my mind just kind of naturally gravitates over there. And so as the days have gone by, I just

I'm always thinking about the way I think and the way I feel. And especially right now, you've probably heard me talk about this a lot, maybe not on this podcast specifically, but if you are on Instagram with me or TikTok with me or you're in my membership, you've heard me say it before. I'm just in this really hard time of entrepreneurship. Like I am not getting a lot of validation from the external world, money or attention that could turn into money.

I know it's coming. I don't have a problem with that. Like I feel it in my entire body. I've been there before. I'll get back there again. and I'm better than ever, yo. So it's like I can see what made Past Lives in the Divine so popular. And it's like, shit, I am doubling down on that. Like I I do not lack faith in where I'm going. However.

On the day to day, it can feel kind of brutal. Like, I just feel like, yeah, it's hard. And if you end up on an entrepreneurship journey, or if you're there, like being a solo entrepreneur, sometimes we are the only ones we have reminding us like this is your journey. This is your truth. This is your path. This is the mission. This is what you're convicted about. This is what you could talk about all day, every day.

And so just get doing it, and people will come. So I know that. I feel it in my entire body more so than I ever have. And I've been an entrepreneur since 2008. And still I struggle in these times of doubt. And so anyway, go through that journey. Didn't get a ton of time to process it. I was like, of course, this is like just the cross that I always bear. It's like, I thought that would be better.

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But what's so interesting, you guys, it speaks to the power of these journeys in the subconscious mind. The last couple days, I have noticed, like, I'm like doing things. Maybe some of the things I'm doing aren't different, but I don't feel as like embarrassed about it or self-conscious about it. And sometimes it's not even that. It's like, I'm just not wishing for it to be different. I'm just not.

Waiting for me to be at some sort of new level of success to feel better. It's almost like subtly after that journey to another lifetime, it's settled in my subconscious mind and in my body, and I'm starting to see it now a few days later. Just this feeling of like lack of embarrassment, lack of care about what people think online, and not.

Not like in a fuck you guys, I don't care, but like, why would I even listen to a critic? Why would I even listen to someone who doesn't get this work? There are plenty of people who get this work and are in my orbit and my audience and my membership. And why wouldn't I focus on that? And so it was kind of like this clarity on a new level of like, wait, I have been focusing more on the negative than I thought.

And if I didn't have that negative spin, all that self-doubt, I wouldn't have done that journey to another lifetime. And I wouldn't be, I wouldn't have up-leveled it this much, I don't think. well, I know because I didn't even know I was struggling with that. which is like the beautiful thing about this work and also the maddening thing about this work. So take care of yourself. Know there are ups and downs.

And then learn every time you come through that part of the spiral where it feels dark and stuck and heavy, like just kind of pay attention to who you are in that and who were you the last time you were in that. Another thing that I think is helpful for this, and it's more like a bolster to help prevent it or help you pull out of it as opposed to like a direct fix in that moment. I mean, I guess it might be a direct fix in that moment.

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But I go through life and I just really take seriously all the ideas that come to my head, all the visions that come in, all the memories that pop up. And you know, of course, like the vast majority of them, I'm not acting on them, but I notice, I notice the patterns, I notice the things that come in. And when a big synchronistic something happens, to me, it's a great validation of like you are right where you need to be. You are aware.

You are paying attention and you are flowing with the universe. Now that might be something as simple as like, if I ask for a sign or something like that, I I'm not someone who asks for signs, even though I wish I was. Like I'm consistently thinking about that when I hear other people ask for signs. And I'm like, I wish I could remember to ask for a sign. Who knows? Maybe it's just not my path. But here is where my synchronicities come in the most.

And I would call it pre-cognition. I get struck with these vivid images, vivid like a memory, but it's not a memory from this life, but it is very much something that could be in Gina's life. It could be in this life with my dreams. And it could be, it would be like it, you know, it feels maybe kind of like off of where I'm at right now. And

I pay attention to that stuff. So for example, a couple years ago, I had one come to mind that was like me driving off a mountain accidentally, and my whole body experience was like, damn. You know, like when you were a kid playing Super Mario Bros. and you'd like miss a jump and die, be like, damn it. That's literally how that felt. so I don't know, is that how it's gonna be the end for me? I don't think so, but

I'm gonna just take heed and make sure I'm well slept and pay attention to where I'm driving and don't speed, you know, all these things that I typically do anyway. But of course, sometimes we're, you know, off in the ethers and we, you know, kind of get loose. So I use that to pay attention. But the really cool ones are like the beautiful images or like the vibey scenes that like come into my brain. And I've talked about this hill that I live next to.

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As a kid, I would always see it in my, I almost said almost always see it in my memory, but it felt like a memory, but it wasn't. And sometimes I would just like kind of mentally go to my happy place as a kid, and I would just envision this beautiful green hill and this like just brilliant blue sky. And I live next to that hill now. And when I chose to move here and moved here.

I wasn't even really consciously aware of this hill, even though it's like right there. I don't know how to explain it. I think I was just kind of like distracted by the neighborhood and the road in front of me. You know, when we get somewhere we relax, we start to see more things. But that to me is just like validation. Like I was meant to be here. It's not like here's where I am the rest of my life. I mean, I don't, you know, great if that's the case.

But it's just like it this is a staple in time being like you are in the right spot. You're in the right spot. So the most recent one that happened was I've been getting this visual in my head of like this beautiful like hills, canyons, and like houses dotting it. But I'm not like maybe I'm in a house. I don't know if I'm in a house, but I'm like on a deck or like a patio kind of overlooking this canyon.

I'll call it. and all these lights like of the houses, it's nighttime, it's dark. So it's just like the cool amber glow of like house lights. And there's so many of them like you can't even like see in someone's window. It's just like this really cool vibe. And it it just would pop in my head like when I'm walking or if I'm in the shower, or I don't know, it would just pop in my head. And sometimes when things like that at this point, when they pop into my head, I'm literally like.

is this for me? Is this in my future? And then I will think about it. I'll imagine it. You know, I'll put my I won't like listen to anything when I'm walking or driving and I'll just think about it. And I'll be like, it would feel good to be there. so that image has been coming to me for I don't know, like six months or a year. And I don't, you know, I could speculate. I've been to areas that maybe look like that at night, but I've never actually seen it, especially from this vantage point that comes in my head.

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And then for my birthday, I was on a little road trip and I ended up in LA. I spent some time with a friend. And then I spent some time just on my own in a hotel. And I ate at this really beautiful restaurant. And goddamn you guys, that was the view outside of that restaurant. And it was like the same thing. Exactly what I described to you. That was on the side of the dining room of that restaurant. And I'm like, well, look at that. I'm here.

I'm gonna come back. And to me, it was just like this staple in time of like you're right where you need to be. You're you're aware, you're paying attention. Just because it's hard doesn't mean you're failing, doesn't mean you're off track. Keep going. So in those situations, I don't know, those synchronicities help. And it was like I had that synchronicity, and then two days later I had the, or like three or four days later, I had this like just.

Really negative self-criticism, that just that negativity that used to just bring me down and stunt me completely. Now, I wanna really reinforce this here though. When you come back on that part of the spiral.

I don't know how to say this. I want to speak from my own experience, but I know I'm gonna say you a lot. It's important that you pay attention when you're back on that negative, hard, heavy part of the spiral. And pay attention to what got you there. What influenced you to get you there? Sure, no one can make you feel a certain way, but boy, our relationships influence us. And I used to be.

In relationship with people who required me to be a people-pleasing, codependent overgiver. That was the experience on my end. I don't know what the experience is like on their end. I'm sure they would deny that. But when I was not operating like that, I would get a lot of what I will just call negative feedback. It could have been silence, it could have been pretending like I don't exist. It could have been outright saying nasty things to me.

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But I started to see that the relationships I had were never gonna change. And I worked on them for solid 10 years, but probably closer to 15. I'm it's actually one of the things I'm most embarrassed about in this life is how much time I spent trying to be good enough for people who were committed to never wanting to give me time or energy.

Unless I was overgiving to them. That's a hard pill to swallow. It's the most painful thing in my life. And appropriately letting it go, carrying the grief of that, processing the grief of it, has allowed me to reach heights emotionally and in my mentality that I never thought were possible for me. So

Pay attention when you're on the spiral. Is it always the same people? Is it always the same situation that brings you down? It it's probably simple. It's not going to be easy. You need to get those things out of your life.

Now sometimes people are like, I can't because this is my I unless it's your child who's underage, I have I no one is worth that to me. If you don't want to see me thrive, if you don't want to help lift me up, because I know that being in relationship with me, I want motherfuckers to thrive. I spend energy.

Trying to get the people around me thriving. Personally, not just professionally. I never want to bring someone down. And a lot of people are uncomfortable in that kind of support. And to me, that's mental illness. I don't even want to be around those people. I mean, I'll be around them when I need to, but they're not my nourishment. So sometimes we realize we have to let

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These situations go, these emotions go. We have to release so we can like move on. and I truly believe that sometimes this becomes like an energy. Relationships are supposed to be a flow, right? Like if I give to you, I should get something back. It it's a one-to-one. And it doesn't have to be like exactly the same. It's just I shouldn't feel only depleted.

By my relationship with someone. Now, I chose to not be a mom, so that, you know, you gotta put in your time there. That's just it's gonna be harder for you, probably. Hopefully, that's not your perspective. Hopefully, you're like, no, Gina, that's not the case. I hope that. But if you have an unsupportive spouse and you have children you are trying to raise, this is a harder path for you. If you

Will not get people out of your life who continually bring you down. This is a harder path for you. It can be done. People have done it before. Find them. Read their articles. Search out the autobiographies and the biographies about them. But we have to know what brings us back to that negative part of the spiral. What makes it

Difficult makes us disconnected from that divinity, from who we are, maybe even pushes us to abandon ourselves in order to keep the peace or keep it moving or not torment yourself further.

That's been the the hardest thing for me. and there are so many ways to release, right? I was messaging with someone in the membership. They were talking about a certain relationship and they have to keep this relationship that brings them down in their life because just the way their family is set up. Okay. What's the least amount you can interact with this person? Okay, and say you gotta do it once a week or once a month.

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Can there be one week a month or a few months a year that you are too busy doing other things to interact with this person? So you can still have that relationship, but you're not giving them as much time. Like you're you're kind of like taking it from them, even in in some ways, you know, taking it back to yourself. And then, and then, and then pay attention to your thoughts.

That's what gets me. How often have I been having arguments with strangers in my brain? Arguments with people who pretend like I don't exist in my brain, arguments with the world in my brain, arguments with cultural expectations in my brain. That's me torturing me. That's fine if I encounter things that like trigger me or make me unhappy, but I'm not going to

Emotionally cut myself regularly for someone else's benefit, or just so I can say, Yeah, I'm in their life. That's not how I'm living my life. But it's a progress, right? Like I didn't wake up like this. It took me a long time to get here where I'm like, yo, those people aren't in my life anymore. Like if you bring me down, you're not in my life. And I'm certainly not thinking about you.

And if you pop in my head, I am actively paying attention, like there they are again. What else am I going to think about? Cause I don't think about this anymore. And it can feel tedious and weird at first to micromanage and think about your thoughts like that. But that's one way to let go. Sometimes when people talk about letting go or releasing, especially in the context of like a hypnosis session client, it's like I really need to get rid of this. And it's like

Here's how we do that. You shift your perspective. So you can experience another lifetime that will automatically help you find peace in that, a new point of view to help you rework your emotional reaction or your understanding of that situation. And from there, it's literally managing your thoughts. I mean, I used to keep myself up at night with the questions: did I fuck this up?

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With the regret, with the grief. Grief from decisions that I made based on valid information, but it was still difficult. But I can look back on my process, especially in the last like four years, and see how much I carried so much more grief than I needed to, just because I allowed myself to regret and waffle.

And dissect conversations. Some people are just w so committed to misunderstanding me and so committed to painting me as someone who I don't know is in the wrong because I make them feel a certain way. I I wish I would have never given them so much thought. But I didn't know. Now I know. I didn't even really know I was doing it. I just thought

I don't know the way I feel about this. So I just kept thinking about it. And it's like, you already know how you feel. That's why you moved. That's why you don't talk to those people anymore. Why are you rehashing it in your brain? Trust yourself. So little wisdom from me. Pay attention to your thoughts, especially when you get pulled into that.

Time on the spiral where it's like, God damn, I'm here again. Some of this stuff that we're dealing with, the points of view we have, the, you know, coping mechanisms within us, it's baked in us so deeply. Like it was put there before we could even talk. It was put there before we even showed up in kindergarten. It was put there before we even got out of second grade. Like this stuff is so deep.

All we can do is watch out for it. Know it's there, watch out for it, be compassionate when it shows up again, refocus the energy, hang on to your divinity and the knowing of who you are and where you're going. I was talking to a previous client recently, and we were talking about this idea of releasing.

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And I was like, you know, I've done so many hypnotic journeys that have helped me loosen the grip so I could release. But the real release was like me not thinking about it. So letting go, I had to do it a million times. I had to let that thought go and grab a different one one million times before I feel like I could process the grief of certain relationships in my life.

And still sometimes I get into that space. But if I get into a space where I'm like feeling self-doughty or feeling like a failure, I lean into it and I'm like, is it true? Is it true? And I argue with my inner critic. It's like, yeah, that could be true. Yeah, that's one way to look at it. But I also know A, B, and C. And that's what I know about myself. And that's who I am. And that's where I'm going. And that's what it is now. So if you're not outwardly pro-Gina in my life.

What are we even doing? We are not close for sure. Because I invest so much in the people around me. I can't have people around me who take away or don't give me something back. It's a non-negotiable. And again, I didn't wake up there. This is a slow process. And I see that I up level if I know I'm in like that negative spin and I can be like.

We're working with it. What's going on? Like, what do I need to release? I'm gonna go in here, see what kind of bullshit my inner critic is spinning. Why do I feel so dowdy about this? Why do I have so much grief about this? Okay, so another thing about releasing, I read so much, I listen to so many podcasts. You guys, I don't even know where I got this, but it came in in the last year, at least this year.

And it was this idea of like before you can actually release or forgive, you need to take a full inventory of what was done to you or taken from you. And that has stuck with me because here's what I believe. I believe there are parts of us that hang on to certain things. And whether you're talking ghosts in the attic or parts of yourself, if we deny, deny, deny.

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those parts hang on tighter, tighter, tighter and like try to prove themselves right, try to get your attention. And so if in those cases we just try to get rid of the feelings, we're always going to have a part of us that's like, no, no, no, no, but this wasn't accounted for. We have to, you have to bring this. So when we can actually be like, this is what was taken from me because of that. This is what I have now to carry because of that.

It's not like a pity boohoo me. It's gonna be tempting to go there maybe while you're doing this, but try to not do it. And instead take a full inventory because you can't forgive. You can't release if you don't know what it is. What are you releasing? Right? Like if someone did you wrong, you gotta go in there, figure out all the wrong. And it's not even about a conversation with them.

That's not my experience. My experience is I have to go in there and be like, here it is. It's ugly. It's a whole boatload. I let a lot of this happen. I let a lot of this happen even when I knew this shit was happening. And now what am I gonna do? Because when I personally take inventory like that, I start to see where I am hurting myself.

And I'm strong enough for that. I don't know. I think people shy away from that. I think if you're this far into this podcast, you're probably not that kind of person. But if I can take full responsibility, come on, I'm an overgiver. I'm a Virgo, Jupiter, and Venus. Like I get shit done. I'm a manifesting generator. Like I get stuff done. I will get this done. If it is my responsibility, it is getting done.

And so that's in the forgiving and healing and releasing. To me, that has also really helped. So especially if you're someone who's like, you know, with a long-term relationship or like a family relationship or something that you've been carrying since childhood, take yourself out on a date, treat yourself good, get comfy on the couch, whatever you do, and like journal it out, talk it out, think about it.

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Gotta take inventory. Otherwise, how do you know what you're releasing? And then so many of my clients, like me, have an issue with receiving. And here's what I think. If we give and immediately feel resentful, if we feel like we carry so much grief from the past or anger or rage and we want to release it, we gotta do it. It will block what we can receive. I really do believe it.

You know, I don't know if there's science to back this up, but when I am filled with rage, resentment, I am not in a space to be soft and receive. I don't feel safe. I've got too much to process. And so I truly believe, at least for a lot of my clients and for me, when we can take inventory, when we can release, when we can shift our focus, when we can get convicted.

And energized and excited about something else that we can focus on, something that's bringing us to a life that we want. That's when we start to feel relaxed, open, excited, expansive in our view, in the possibilities that we see. And it just keeps getting more and more and more. And every time we come back to that nasty spot on the spiral, we have an opportunity to up level, to be like, ooh.

What kind of shadows are coming up to be released this time? What do I need to know about myself? What can I refocus on? What can I adjust and sink even deeper into my omission? What do I need to take inventory of so I can fully release it? And again, that inventory is not with anyone else but you. What happened to you? What are you forgiving? Yes, start there, focus on the other person, but bring it back to you. What are you gonna do about it? You let this happen.

I'm lovingly telling you that. Like if I was your friend, I would give you a hug and be like, yo, you are doing this to yourself. If you're someone who gives and you automatically feel resentment, that is a red flag. You need to let some stuff go. You need to release. You need to take inventory. You need to shift your focus. Get those emotions calmed and organized.

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And then focus on what makes you feel nourished, what helps you receive. Because if you have nothing to give, you will feel resentful when you do give. And if you're anything like me, you don't have anything to give because overgiving is how you proved your worth in relationships. And when I did that, shocker, I got a bunch of relationships that only allowed me if I stayed small, codependent, overgiving, and people pleasing.

And it's painful to decide that we're not going to put energy into relationships and situations like that. It can feel like a hole we're digging ourselves out of or a mountain that we're climbing. But you guys, every step gets better. The higher on your mountain that you up level to, it feels so good. It doesn't even matter how far you have to go. You're like, damn, I'm way up here. wasn't I cute when I was down there? Dang, I love her down there though.

That's the version of me that got me here. And you know what? I think it just keeps getting better. I one time was running a retreat, this was a few years ago, and there was a woman at the retreat who she declared to everybody that she's on a two-year journey into her shadows. And then she's done healing. And I was like, I mean, she clearly.

was not a part of my audience. Like she came through the person who I was co-hosting the retreat with. And I said, I want that for you so bad. I want that for me. But I don't believe that's true. Like I just, I've never seen it. And if you can believe it, then you're the one to conceive it. Like you're the one who has to believe it first. But here's what I think at the time when I said it,

I was also just kind of in a low point emotionally, just at that point in my life. It was a very contractive phase of my life that was like two or three years long. And I remember thinking, like, I'm sorry, lady, that's not how it goes. Buckle up. Or if you're not gonna do this to completion, like quit now. Quit before you see.

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Shit that you can't change or shit that you're gonna want to change and keep working on. And when she said it, I was kind of in more of a negative spot with it, but that's the way I see it now. It's not necessarily the way I saw it then. But now the way I see it, it's like there are parts of my life. Like if you look at my life, it doesn't have to be remarkable to you in order for me to be like.

I love that a Tuesday morning feels like this for me. I love that I look forward to my weekends. And if I'm not traveling, doing something fun, I have an expansive weekend at home. You know, like most of us want just very simple, simple things. And I've kind of come to the conclusion that it's not about.

you're never gonna get off this healing journey. There's always something. It's like, I feel like at some point you kind of stop healing and you just start leveling up. And here's what I mean. I think a lot of us get into this space. And I know I'm the same where it was like, I want to release things, I want to heal things, you know. I see all this stuff from my childhood, and the programming is still in me. I can see it causing a ton of stress and negativity.

Shit, I don't want in my life. So we start there. I started there. Anxiety, fear of commitment, fear of failure. And I think that that is definitely one way to go about it for sure. But there's another way we can go about it that's just as effective and even more fun, in my opinion, which is to truly get to know ourselves.

And eventually on that path, understand what we truly want. Like what feels aligned on a soul level, what feels nourishing to you on your soul level. Because when we can go about this journey focusing on the things we want and the feeling of alignment and nourishment, like on a soul level, and what that looks like to you.

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On a day-to-day thing, on a month-to-month thing, on a year-to-year thing. Like figuring out what that really is for you and then working toward that instead of going deep in the name of some bullshit your parents put you through back in the day and they're still putting you through it. And you've been programmed to be like, I need to be in relationship with these terrorists.

And instead, I think we should do the equal and opposite, which is just get to know yourself. The good things, the things that make things difficult, the things you love and want to keep and amplify, the things you want to discover about yourself. Sure, the things you want to release and stuff, but the more you arrange your life around who you are and what truly serves you in your highest and greatest good, and I truly believe you are a soul, eternal energy.

with all kinds of wisdom and gifts and you are came here for a reason. And to for you to get to know yourself and understand how to share those gifts, that I think we need. We need that. So let me be another voice in your ear telling you to do it, to cultivate that, to understand yourself on that level. But then for us highly sensitive, empathic people who have been trained to

Self-abandon, overgive in times where we're like experiencing doubt. Instead, there is no doubt. It's just like I actually don't have a lot of time for people like that because I'm so drawn to do these other things that light me up. And when I do these other things that light me up, my people closest to me feel it. They love it when I'm lit up. They deserve to have someone like me in my power. And guess what?

No matter who you are, what kind of life you have, what kind of work you do, what kind of family, that people learn from your leadership, you being you, you being authentic, you growing and learning, you changing your priorities, you discovering yourself. And I think that when we can genuinely go within and get curious and start understanding that.

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Then we get all kinds of conviction and we start to see our true divinity and our power, and we stop doubting ourselves and we stop gaslighting ourselves and we stop letting other people doubt us and gaslight us into whatever submission they're seeking from us. Because to me, it's not this like at this point in my life, I have so many hobbies. I was actually

Had someone ask me a question online, like, what are your hobbies now? And it was response to this reel that I created, this reel that was like, I used to not think I had hobbies because I would literally give it all away. I hated my job, I hated who I worked for. For a few years at the end of my wellness consulting career, I hated that whole industry. The people I were around, they were like crabs in a bucket, like telling me get a real job.

How long are you actually going to work for yourself before you go work for someone else? You need to like grow up and move on. So someone asked, What are your hobbies now? And I don't know if I've ever been asked that point blank, but we should be asking that more of each other. And I listed off like 10 things in the comments, just top of mind. Here are the things that I do: hike, bike, enjoy nature, take pictures of nature, take pictures of myself in nature, study nature.

The plants in the trees, in the rocks, in the geology upon which I hike because I enjoy it and I love being out there. I take road trips. I spend a lot of time in the evenings planning road trips, deciding where I want to go. I do martial arts training. I do weapons training. I, you guys, there's so much that I do. I listed off all these things, and of course I hit send on the comment, and I'm like, I thought of like five more instantly.

And it was just like I would not have time for any of that in my previous life serving those previous relationships. They did not have I I couldn't have been in relationship with people who needed me to overgive and still have those things in my life. And guess what? Everything I listed as a hobby of mine makes me feel like me.

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And on a daily basis makes me thankful to be alive. And on a daily basis reminds me of what's important to me in the values within me. So anytime I show up to a situation that wants me to overgive or abandon myself or question the authority I have over my own life, it's like a goddamn shock to me at this point where I'm like rude. I can't believe you would even ask me that. Where before,

I was not in touch with who I was. And so anyone who had something bad to say about something I wanted to do, it would just shake me. And then I'd be like, how am I going to put up this boundary? How am I going to explain this to them again? And I would journal about it and I would talk to my therapists about it. What a waste. Now I have a hard time saying what a waste because I see where I am. I love where I am in my life. I like what I know. I like the wisdom I've gained.

And also who I am today, that shit is a waste of time. It's a waste of my time. I know who I am. I know what I'm capable of. And every minute, every second, I let someone in my orbit suck my confidence or my life force through their negativity and doubt in me, it's like I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't be.

Around people like that, they shake me. It's an altered state of consciousness that I am no longer wanting to be in.

And that to me is the up level. I am up to so much cool shit. If someone was trying to vampire off me and manipulate me, good luck. I've got so many things in my life that I love to do alone or with other people. And that's what feels like an up level to me. It was like, I don't know, 2024, I was just like.

292 Nov 3 2026 (52:57.28)

Seeking full ego death, so sick of my shit, so sick of the same thing coming up on the spiral, feeling like I can't get control when I get in these negative spins. And it was just like understanding who I am on a soul level and just building my life from that and being keenly aware of everyone who tries to pull me away from that. And yes, out of respect for the relationship, have those conversations.

But I realized quickly like who was not on board. And for me, I I don't even I'm always obviously super reflective. I'm always thinking about these things and my thoughts. I think it has greatly improved my life. I think we could all improve our lives and this entire effing world if we spent more time in reflection.

you know, disengaging from consuming and producing and instead just reflect, process, decide where we want to go, decide what we've learned, and up level from there. So I think that when I'm on the spiral and in this negative space, I turn it around a lot quicker. So that's nice. It feels like I'm in hell for half day instead of half a year.

But I also use that time to be like, okay, what are you most upset about right now? What is driving you the most crazy about your life right now? And that's when we can like get some real fucking clarity. It's uncomfortable. But when we're in that low time, just I like to let it up. Like I journal that inner critic because it's nasty. When I get it out on paper, as I'm writing it, even I can be like,

I know this isn't true, but like I'm still feeling it. And so do what you can to remind yourself of your divinity in that time. Do what you can to use what's coming up and what you're learning and what you no longer want to deal with and what you want in your life instead, and make a plan to get there. so you know, when we circle back, it's like, yeah, see how far you've come and use this.

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Remember your, it's like life is like a trampoline. If you're feeling low, get into it, dissect it. It's uncomfortable, but like let yourself do it. I always resist journaling and writing during that time. but when I do, it takes literally like two literal minutes and I start to feel better. and it seems like whenever I talk about journaling on Instagram seems to be the thing.

People always comment or send me DMs that say something to the effect of I can't write out my thoughts because they're too dark. And here's my response to that. Bitch, it is your duty to be in touch with your darkest fucking thoughts. It is your duty.

Because they're controlling you. If your thoughts are so dark that it would be damaging for you to put it on paper, then I encourage you to put it on paper and then burn it, shred it, bury it, whatever you have to do. But like I'm I'm sorry, your shadows are so dark that you're not processing them. Doesn't that seem like what's wrong with this entire world? It's like people are being ruled.

By the evil in the shadow, the parts of them they don't know. But here's the thing, you guys: the shadow is not all bad. The shadow is just the things you're not aware of, the things that influence you, the things that you carry, the things that alter your perspective that you are not consciously aware of. So it's not just negative things. Like there are things that you are not aware of that if you were aware of these parts of you.

You could amplify them. I mean, exploit them, but even though there's no harm in it, like you could lean into it, you could amplify it, you could share it with people. It's what I think Carl Jung called it the golden shadow. It's like the parts of us that are good that we don't see. And if we have the what I would think of as the right relationships in our life, they are the ones reminding us.

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Of these things that we can't see, these good parts of us, they are the ones reminding us of that when we forget, when we come back to this nasty, heavy, sticky spot on the spiral, and we're just like, I feel like I'm always here. Like, to me, that's when relationships really help. If I'm not surrounded by people who can't hold that flame, that I am good, that I am worthy, like.

It's crazy to me how many people refuse to do that for other people. It disgusts me, honestly. And if we're not doing it for ourselves, why would we, we would never do it for other people. This is the whole crabs in a bucket thing. This is why people have a problem when people start showing up online, acting like they have value to share. People get uncomfortable when we start leveling up.

Because it shows them, like, hey, I'm not always gonna be your little bitch. And that's scary to them, even on a subconscious level, even if they're not totally conscious of it. But in addition to that, it also shows them, hey, that thing that you've always known, that thing that you've always wanted, and you let the world tell you that you can't have it because of A, B, and C.

That's the type of person who does not want to see other people going after their dreams. And this time on the spiral is a great time to check in. What keeps me here within me and around me? What pulls me out of this? Thoughts and ideas within me and people in their support around me. If we can decide who we are and what's truly aligned and walk toward that, then anything that gets in our way.

It's just like, I have this thing, this belief that is keeping me small, keeping me scared. I'm gonna go into a journey to another lifetime that's gonna help me feel the equal and opposite, whatever that equal and opposite is in that situation for you.

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So use that time. Just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's wrong or bad. It's uncomfortable. So use it. Like be in that discomfort. See what the fuck is under it. What's going on within it? What keeps bringing you back? Okay. I keep, I keep rambling on on the same point. But I feel it, man. I feel like I'm right there. I honestly feel like it is 2018.

And or 2019 when I started my podcast. That's kind of how I feel right now. I just feel like a lot of the shit I've been doing in the last year with my podcast just I was trying to play the game and it didn't feel right. It felt too polished. It felt too much. But again, on that spiral, I see like, there we go.

I was abandoning myself and my authenticity, thinking I needed to be something else in order to make this work in a certain way. And I just it's kind of interesting. I'm thinking about just the last few years and how in such a dark, contracted part of the spiral I felt, you know, in 2024 especially. And to be able to

really dig into that was uncomfortable, but it it's gotten me where I am now and I'm positioned and I'm in a spot to go farther than I ever imagined for myself. And so yeah, I think think of it as an up level. Don't think of this as healing. Think of these negative times as like, hey, this is getting in the way of my magic. What can I learn here so I don't have to do this as much or for as long?

Because for me to be able to talk myself through that is huge. It's like I used to just be this raw nerve in the world. And my inner critic was like behind the wheel and I was just overwhelmed with the experience of it all. And so I'd like look to the external world to tell me who I needed to be. And shocker, it resulted in a life that just felt like, my God.

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Is this it? Like there has to be more. And it's because there is more for me. Things that are aligned. Things that help me feel actually abundant. Not just like not just under the pressure of the job, the time, the relationships, the perception, all just used to feel very

I mean overwhelming, but more so like blinding because I was just like thinking that that's just the way life is. And now on the other side of two years of working to understand, like getting to know myself, what I call my higher self, and leading so many people on hypnotic journeys where they encountered their higher self and

Just understanding what that journey was to me and what it kind of the themes were across the clients that I worked with, it really helped me see how externally focused I was. And that's why I couldn't answer questions like, well, okay, what do you want in life? Be like, well, you know.

And I try to put my spin on something everyone else does. And that just doesn't work for some of us. For some people, I think it works, or it seems like it does. But for some of us, that's not it. But that is an expansion of awareness for me, or it was an expansion of awareness for me, even to know that not everyone feels this way. And you can actually choose to feel a different way.

And it sounds so elementary when I say it. So be careful, don't discount it, because you're probably doing that somewhere in your own life. I think it's a very human thing to do. But now on the other side of it, like I'm not some totally smooth communicator. It's still something that I feel like I'm suck at. But now, at least when I'm in a situation that doesn't feel right to me, and it's a situation that used to

292 Nov 3 2026 (01:04:34.89)

make me fawn or freeze before, I will just say something like, No, this doesn't feel right. And I it's almost like I just have to get it out. And I always think it's funny. So I laugh at it. So even though it's an awkward situation, at least like, I don't know, I get a laugh out of it and just say, like market to myself. It doesn't even matter if people don't understand or they don't think it's funny like I do. It's just something I have to do for me.

And every time I do something just for me, my self-trust goes up, my self compassion goes up. It's automatic. It's not something I'm trying to do. It's not something that I keep forgetting that I was doing when I'm beating myself up. So all of these things I became aware of because during these heavy times on the spiral.

I use it as a way to get to know myself even more, get to understand like what brings me here. Cause it's my choice. I don't have to ever be that low again. I mean, when it if it happens, I'm gonna make the most of it. But it can exist, it will always exist, but it I'm declaring this should be in my past. And every year that goes by.

It is more and more in my past. Spiral man. I don't buy into the idea that I should know it all. And sometimes I feel like that holds me back. I feel like I would be farther in this world of online popularity if I was like, I'm the fucking guru and I know it all. but I just can't

And I won't. So if you are here, I would love to know what you thought about this. Like, leave me a comment, tell me where you are on this journey, tell me what's up. And if you want to explore this even more deeply with me, if you want to do a hypnotic journey about this, seeing yourself from different perspectives, join me in my membership on November 14th.

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We are meeting for our monthly gathering where we go into this practice of knowing ourselves. We take a hypnotic journey to another lifetime, to your higher self, sometimes both, and we dive into these things. And my membership and the conversations that happen in my membership are really the fuel for the themes that I cover on this podcast and the themes that we explore.

In the monthly practice, the hypnotic journey that we do. So if you are still listening to me, get your buns in that membership. I think you'd really like it. Okay. Thank you so much for being here. As always, I hope this was at least entertaining. Take whatever helps you along your journey and then just leave the rest.